Wobble

One of my favorite sayings since I was a kid has been "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down."​ [1] Truth, compassion, resilience, and persistence are everything. It takes courage to make mistakes and learn from them. It takes a certain amount of courage to go out into the world and be yourself no matter what too. Mind you, there's defiance and then there's being whole. Being whole requires vulnerability, and vulnerability, my friend, is not for the faint of heart. But I believe that one can't succeed as an artist without finding the balance between being shut down emotionally and vulnerability. That's where one has to live as a creative. What they won't tell you is that you can fall flat quite a bit--even after success--and falling fucking hurts. Sometimes, it hurts so bad that you don't think you'll ever get back up again. For me, resilience is where the line is drawn between bad-ass-dom and one-shot success. Luck is a part of it too, but one cannot control luck.

So, add to this head space...Daredevil.

Oh, gods, can I relate to Matt Murdock. He's a Catholic with some guilt issues.[2] He's also a bit of a masochist. Unlike a lot of superheroes, I love that there are consequences for Matt. He heals, but it's not fast, and it's not always 100%.[3] That makes sense to me. That's real strength--that getting back up when one has been deeply hurt.

And that is why I've had several heated conversations about some of my characters. Multiple people told me that they didn't feel Liam was a strong character. He breaks. He makes bad decisions. I repeatedly told them that I disagreed. I feel the same about Nels in Cold Iron as I do about Liam. There is no strength in getting slammed and then hopping back up again without so much as a bruise. That's cartoonish. Emotional power comes in when there's a cost and then the character gets back up. The stakes are higher the second, third, or fourth time when there are consequences. If you don't know this, then you've never had your heart truly broken and then chosen to love again. That situation is terrifying. I've been there. We do a disservice to everyone who fights the good fight when all we want to hear about are the good parts. "I started on this path, I fought a little bit, and then TA-DA! Everything is great!" There is no emphasis on what it costs a person to fight that battle every day for years with no guarantee of a win. Yes, asshole, you're going to mother fucking whine sometimes. Suffering in silence is bullshit. The point is getting the fuck up again and again and again.
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It's a lesson I feel I'm relearning now. I took a hit that laid me out on my face. And I'm struggling to get back up and maintain that vulnerability. It's tough. But I'll get there. I fucking will. 

Because weebles mother fucking wobble, but they don't fall down.

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[1] If you're curious as to where that comes from, it's from an American kids toy commercial. Warning: it's an ear worm. lol.
[2] Ha! Like that's rare.
[3] Dane and I were watching the second episode in the second season and at one point I muttered to myself, "So that's what that looks like from the outside." Dane said, "Yes." I looked to him and said, "Ouch."