South By Southwest

This morning in the Leicht-Caruthers household:

Me (half asleep): [mutters something about buying coffee and the lack of readily available Oaxacan Coffee in this town]

Dane: Remember kids: SXSW starts today. You can't go anywhere near the river or downtown. No Curra's coffee for you. No coffee shop writing either. The Out of Town Hipster Alert is flashing Amber.

Me: Hipsters aren't as bad as you make out. You know my feelings on man-buns, stylish hats, and beards.

Dane: Didn't you say there was a hierarchy of hipsters? I believe this was last night.

Me: Well, yeah.

Dane: Out of town hipsters are the worst. You decided. Right up there with Illinois nazis.

Me: I didn't say that! The two aren't even close. I mean, out of town hipsters might be a little bit self-involved, but at least they don't advocate genocide. [pause] Well, not un-ironically anyway.[1]

Dane: And that's pretty much in the realm, isn't it?

Me: Damn it. I'm not awake. My debate skills aren't online. This isn't fair. And now I can't go to the Apple Store.
​
Dane: That's what you get for putting all those skill points in Northern Irish history and not in teleportation.[2]

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[1] For real, I totally hate that "I'm doing this sexist/racist thing ironically" bullshit. 
​[2] Yes, we do actually talk like this.[3] I just don't do it very well before I've had coffee.[4]
[3] Pretty much every word out of Viktor's mouth in Cold Iron and Blackthorne is something Dane would say.
[4] This is why I adore a) screwball comedy dialog b) Dashiell Hammett dialog c) Joss Whedon dialog and d) Amy Sherman-Palladino dialog so very, very much. Well. Beyond the fact that that style of dialog takes delicate finesse, timing, and skill as a writer.