Muddle in the Middle

Been feeling very distant lately. Empty. I think some of it is that I do, in fact, live my life fairly isolated. Some of it's by choice. Some by way of the fact that I'm in Texas and don't care for it. Some of it is my nature. And some of it is...well...I've been hurt like everyone and making friends seems to get more difficult as I get older. I'll be the first to say I've got some heavy duty shields up due to some past hurts. I suspect it's because another birthday is imminent. It's also Spring. And for some reason this year is the year I've decided to do the traditional Spring Thing. I've been cleaning out the closets. I feel the need to shed some serious crap. Clear my environment. As a result, I found some old photos of myself, Dane, and old friends (and letters too) in a box--several boxes, if I'm honest. Those were both good times and bad. There are parts I'd never want to relive. (Holy crap, what a mess.) Still, I miss the joy if discovery. I miss my endless enthusiasm for music, art, literature, and the people involved in those efforts. I miss the late nights perfumed with the scent of adventure. Damn it, I miss hanging out at Liberty Lunch with Thad. I do not believe that live ends at forty. That's it's all over and life sucks when you stop being young things like Jack and Diane. I hate that song so much. That's some serious bullshit. Every phase of life has something exciting to offer. What's the point in gaining expertise in things if you can't enjoy the benefit of it?

So, I've started reading Rising Strong by Brene Brown, and I'm liking it so far. It's good stuff. Just what I needed. I discovered I'm in the middle part of something. And I'm struggling not to feel. And well...that's not a good thing for a creative. This has all been mighty handy for the novel I'm working on. And that's been pretty great.

​Still, it's scary. But then, that's life. It's going to be okay.